My child, although much of your illness is due to disobedience, the love of God is evident in you. God loves you very much, which is why He chastens you. God is working out your precious salvation through the trials you are undergoing. He wants to lighten your burden and fill the vessel of your soul with the gift of the great hope of obtaining heaven and dwelling eternally near Christ, Whom you have ardently loved in this life!
So what remains for you to do? Maintain utmost patience, exercise courage in the trial you are undergoing, and give boundless thanks to the excellent Guide of our souls, coupled also with grace-filled humility. My child, walk up the path to Golgotha with the cross you have been given by the greatly beneficent hand of Him Who loves and chastens you so that you may partake of His holiness.
Elder Ephraim of Arizona